I have been struggling to put words to the various emotions I have been experiencing with regard to life, current events, etc.......

I could write about Standing Rock, because I am part Cherokee, part Passamaquoddy, and an earth conscious human being, but instead I will send love to the situation, and continue to do my part.

I could write about my opinions on the changes and problems with our dysfunctional government, but instead I will keep my heart hopeful for appropriate change.

I could write about the progress of our boat project, but right now I have nothing nice to say about that, so instead I will pray for a beautiful completion followed by abundant catch.

I could write about my children, homeschool, chickens, or one of my many other passions, but instead I am inspired to write about one of my fathers.

I received a phone call from one of my fathers recently. To many, this would seem like no big deal..........I am quite certain that this is about the THIRD time in my life that this father has called me of his own accord. This is always a BIG deal to me. As I answered the phone I expected to hear my other mother (she deserves more of a title than "stepmother", you will come to understand why) on the phone. So when I heard my father's voice I was surprised. Neither of us are really the sort to enjoy the telephone, so I don't hold that against him.

This is a man that I did not know until I was 28. This is a man that I could waste my time being bitter toward, but instead am incredibly thankful for. This is a man that has served his country. This is a man who came from a broken home himself. This is a man that spent time as the oldest child, in a house of four children, with a single mother. This is a man that has watched two siblings fight and lose their battles with cancer. This is a man who has made some tough life choices along the way, choices that many are quick to pass judgement on, choices that........when I look into his eyes, I can see are eating him with guilt.

This is a man that, for 28 years, was a total stranger to me. I knew only his name and a few other facts about him. I didn't even have a picture. This is a man that was a complete stranger, until......the immediate instant I looked into his eyes for the first time. In that moment, from way down deep in his soul, I saw myself. I found something I had only dreamt about. I found my missing piece.

So, why was this phone call the catalyst for this post.......Well, I have three fathers. Somehow it was decided that, in this lifetime, I would have three fathers. Now, unfortunately, two of my three fathers are struggling with the grips of early onset dementia. I am equally saddened by the reality of each father's struggle. One of my fathers (the one that raised me) has battled mental health issues for most of my life. So in a sense I have been grieving his unavailability for years. My biological father has just recently started down this path of memory failure.

Of course I love them both deeply, but maybe you can see how there are different pieces of my heart that are sad for each one them.

I have only had my biological father in my life for 9.5 years.........So, when he called me, distraught, repeatedly expressing his love for me and my children. Repeatedly telling me that he misses us. And then.........in tears, unable to carry on any further conversation.....between breaths apologizing for getting older and losing his memory......There it is. There is the consuming, raw, broken hearted emotion that I must write about.

Why???? Why would this be the way that our story would turn out? Why would I wait so long to find him, and then lose him slowly to failing memory??

Love your people with all of your heart. Forgive them and appreciate them right where they are.

Blessings to you all.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

I have intended to write more often. I have planned to go to the beach more often (because when you are an island kid 3 or 4 times a week will not suffice). I have intended to shower more often, and walk more often, keep in touch more often, maybe drink wine more often, and on and on and on. I can pile the guilt onto myself like nobody's business. I must have hit the ground running as an infant because I have every intention of conquering the world EVERYDAY! I have set the bar too high for myself, I am aware of it, but I repeat the pattern time and again. Somewhere along the way I grabbed onto this idea that I have something to prove to everybody. This idea that I need to be more, do more, prove more. I am my own worst enemy. In my quest to do it all, and be it all, I have forgotten to breathe.

I am a fisherman's wife, homeschooling mother of 5, working on a blog, managing two Facebook pages, building an Essential Oil business, Reiki practitioner, studying AromaDance, starting an Etsy shop, blah blah blah. Regardless of how passionate I am about all of these endeavors, it will all mean jack shit if I do not slow down and breathe.

This week, when I answered the front door at 11:00 am, to greet complete strangers, in my pajamas, with my hair a mess, I simply said, "I have five children." I have decided that this is how I will respond to any questions from now on. That will be my excuse for everything......"I have five children!"

I received a phone call earlier in the week, regarding the health of one of my father's (I am a lucky girl, I have 3 dads, long story). He lives several states away, and I do not see him nearly enough. I was instantly reminded that the "busy-ness" that we let ourselves get wrapped up in is far less important than our health and our relationships. I, you, we all need to remember to breathe. We need to remember to connect with one another. Our next minute is not a guarantee.

I understand that we all have goals, passions, commitments, responsibilities, and chores that inevitably need tending to. However, take time to breathe. For me, when I stop to breathe and I smell that salty air or a beach rose, those are the moments I most connect with myself. Those are the moments I am reminded to be present and thankful to be here. So, if you happen to see a women in her pajamas, with wild hair, and maybe even a chicken under her arm, with her nose shoved in a rose bush near the sea.....Think to yourself, "Maybe she has five children."

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma