Loving my Tribe fiercely.......

So, sitting here on a muggy, summer August day on my favorite Maine island, reflecting on what "Tribe" means to me......

I have spent the last 8 years as a stay at home mom, aka "housewife" (Just so you know, I Fucking hate that term). Over these 8 years I have been so busy....homeschooling, pregnant, nursing, gardening, postpartum, book keeping....5 kids....lobsterman's wife....the list of chores is frightening to most (especially said lobsterman). Recently, I made a huge decision to go back to work. I have many amazing, healing business ventures in the works, but my goal is to have my very own studio space to offer these gifts. So, for the sake of my sanity, and to bring in more money for the budget, with the goal of freeing up funds to acquire a property...I have returned to the world of bartending.

I have just finished up my second week back after 8  years away. Let me tell you, momma is tired. I am sitting here surrounded by 5 busy, messy, starving (always!) little loves between 3 and 12 years old. I am sitting here catching up on bills and all that wicked fun stuff....reflecting on this concept of Tribe.

These last 8 years I have been surrounded by my little tribe. However, it has felt incredibly, and overwhelmingly lonely most of the time. And, there was my 18 month stay on a remote island....You have never felt so lonely.....I spent 2 weeks in my house unable to leave my driveway because it was so icy that my car wouldn't make it out. We spent 2 or 3 days of a Maine February iced in. No boats were able to come or go....

It is unfortunate to me that the majority of our culture has strayed so far from such an ancient concept of being part of a tribe. Many of us spend our days immersed in the rat race that we are conditioned to think is the correct way of life. Days are spent living in our own heads barely a meaningful conversation to be had, let alone a close connection.

This. Is. Sad......We NEED each other!!!

Not only have I returned to a CHEERS like version of a tribe, which feels really great. The world of bartending lends you an extended family. Many of the people I am seeing now, are the same people I developed relationships with when I was previously serving up the spirits. We have picked up right where we left off as thought there were no 8 year gap in conversation.

I also spent three days last weekend immersed in a brand new tribe of women. We gathered in the most magically wooded place I have ever experienced. We were surrounded by trees, herbs, vegetables, wild medicine, and beautiful nourishing food. I knew only one other person at the start of the journey. Yet, somehow, I had known them all, my whole life. We came together to form a supportive, warm, almost ancient connection. Ladies were comfortable enough to bare it all and swim naked in the magical pond.

I found myself in a state of extreme awe. Never have I experienced such a caring, non-judgemental, open armed group of women. Despite only knowing each other a short time I have no doubt that these women have my back, even from across the country, or over the Canadian border. We gathered, we connected, we shared fire, food, tears, healing, ceremony, and the most amazing chocolate EVER!!! We are connected for life.

The most beautiful part is, we are here for you too. A group of women determined to offer a sense of Tribe to all who are open.

My ONLY caution is this.....Leaving the company of such beautiful souls may leave you SO full of love that anything less is hard to swallow. Upon returning to "the real world" I spent a couple of days coddling a sense of grief. It was so hard to come out of the sacred circle we formed and return to everyday life. I feel such a connection to my beautiful new Tribe that I am sad to be away from them. Yet, I have a new strength that is unbreakable. Even from far apart we walk together.

To all of my new sisters, Should you need me.......I am here for you.

To all of my readers, find your tribe and love them fiercely! The world needs more LOVE!!!

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Kelly

There it is........

I have been struggling to put words to the various emotions I have been experiencing with regard to life, current events, etc.......

I could write about Standing Rock, because I am part Cherokee, part Passamaquoddy, and an earth conscious human being,  but instead I will send love to the situation, and continue to do my part.

I could write about my opinions on the changes and problems with our dysfunctional government, but instead I will keep my heart hopeful for appropriate change.

I could write about the progress of our boat project, but right now I have nothing nice to say about that, so instead I will pray for a beautiful completion followed by abundant catch.

I could write about my children, homeschool, chickens, or one of my many other passions, but instead I am inspired to write about one of my fathers.

 I received a phone call from one of my fathers recently. To many, this would seem like no big deal..........I am quite certain that this is about the THIRD time in my life that this father has called me of his own accord. This is always a BIG deal to me. As I answered the phone I expected to hear my other mother (she deserves more of a title than "stepmother", you will come to understand why) on the phone. So when I heard my father's voice I was surprised. Neither of us are really the sort to enjoy the telephone, so I don't hold that against him.

 This is a man that I did not know until I was 28. This is a man that I could waste my time being bitter toward, but instead am incredibly thankful for. This is a man that has served his country. This is a man who came from a broken home himself. This is a man that spent time as the oldest child, in a house of four children, with a single mother. This is a man that has watched two siblings fight and lose their battles with cancer. This is a man who has made some tough life choices along the way, choices that many are quick to pass judgement on, choices that........when I look into his eyes, I can see are eating him with guilt.

 This is a man that, for 28 years, was a total stranger to me. I knew only his name and a few other facts about him. I didn't even have a picture. This is a man that was a complete stranger, until......the immediate instant I looked into his eyes for the first time. In that moment, from way down deep in his soul, I saw myself. I found something I had only dreamt about. I found my missing piece.

 So, why was this phone call the catalyst for this post.......Well, I have three fathers. Somehow it was decided that, in this lifetime, I would have three fathers. Now, unfortunately, two of my three fathers are struggling with the grips of early onset dementia. I am equally saddened by the reality of each father's struggle. One of my fathers (the one that raised me) has battled mental health issues for most of my life. So in a sense I have been grieving his unavailability for years. My biological father has just recently started down this path of memory failure.

 Of course I love them both deeply,  but maybe you can see how there are different pieces of my heart that are sad for each one them.

 I have only had my biological father in my life for 9.5 years.........So, when he called me, distraught, repeatedly expressing his love for me and my children. Repeatedly telling me that he misses us. And then.........in tears, unable to carry on any further conversation.....between breaths apologizing for getting older and losing his memory......There it is. There is the consuming, raw, broken hearted emotion that I must write about.

 Why???? Why would this be the way that our story would turn out? Why would I wait so long to find him, and then lose him slowly to failing memory??

 Love your people with all of your heart. Forgive them and appreciate them right where they are.

Blessings to you all.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

I can't make this stuff up.....

Well, I have been planning this trip for a few months. This trip is.....emotional on many levels. The original reason for this trip sprouted from a desire to get some extra, long overdue time with one of my fathers. You see, I have three dads.....That is a VERY long story. So, for now I will keep this part of my adventure exclusive to the father that helped create me. I have known OF my father since I was 8 years old. However, our paths were not meant to cross until I was 28. So, I have only been lucky enough to know him personally for a little more than 9 years. This is a piece of my story that I am totally at peace with. I know that life is meant to be an adventure.

A few months ago his wife (one of my stepmothers) called to give me some unpleasant news. My father's well being has taken an unexpected turn. There may be a point in the nearer future, that my father's memory may really suffer. Given that I have only spent about.....2 weeks with him. total.....in my whole life......I was crushed to get this news, to say the least. We live several states apart, so in my heart I knew a trip had to happen.

Now, here is where the story gets even more interesting, exciting, crazy, and blessed......Are you ready???

While I was awaiting my departure date, organizing the schedule around a boat project, homeschool, a fishing schedule, five kids, and all that goes with this wild life, AND preparing myself to fly (I HATE FLYING)......Ready?? Right smack in the middle of it all: I got a new sister!! For real! A new little sister!

Now, I mean little sister, but not in the sense of an actual newborn baby sister. This little sister is 23. She was out there in the world, wondering who her family is. She was out there feeling the call to find us, and that is EXACTLY what she did!

Have I Iost you yet?

My family tree, well....it doesn't necessarily look like your typical image of a tree....

So, here I sit, waiting to board the plane. I am leaving my beautiful babies at home with daddy, to hold down the fort. I am boarding a plane, which is high on the list of my least-favorite-things-to-do! I am heading south to warmer weather, two of my parents, my Grandmother and my Papaw, southern comfort food, my brother and his beautiful family, cousins, and......for the first time ever in my life not one, but two sisters will be at my destination airport. That's right! My new little sister will be meeting me at the airport, with our other sister.

Together we will get four of my father's children in the same room, for the first time, EVER. For the first time EVER my new little sister gets to meet the family she had been searching for.

This trip is emotional like I said. I can't make this stuff up. How lucky am I to own this story and all the other wild pieces that go with it? Life is short. Try to enjoy the ride!

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma